The Horizon by Bette

....and she came to sit a while and dangle her feet off the horizon, to enjoy the sunset up close, live life up close, taking it all in, letting all the rest fall over the edge, letting it all go, at least all the things that didnt matter....which was most of it. She hung on to the really important things but not too hard that she might not allow room for the miracles that might come round, well, that were sure to come round, if she didnt seek merely an outcome, fixated on the ending but enjoying it as it is, the middle parts too.

....she swung her feet back anf forth and thought about herself and how she fit into it all....how small she was on that big ol horizon yet she played a part. She made a difference because she has lived, she made a loud shout and lived her life out loud, never squelching who or what she was, refusing to shine so others might be more comfortable around her. No she created a comfort for them in others ways, making them feel loved and important and cared about, not forgetting to do the same for herself however.....

.....and the colors seemed to fade at times while sitting there so she sought to remember, to remember all that she came her to do and BE and her colors were inside if her somewhere..she just needed to look, not too hard but be willing to see, because they are there the whole time. Wondering what clouded that all up for her temporarily....oh yes she knew...it was those voices, yes they are the culprits, the inner ones yes, yet they came after the others spoke, sharing what they thought she "coulda, woulda, shoulda, be doing....or did it come before...her inner voices. Yes she thinks so, lest those fairly new yet very attentively visiting ones even affect her.....yes she had let herself go, as in, left off loving herself a lil. When they showed up it appeared as more evidence of why and how she was faulty and flawed and she scrathed her butt and wondered how this had happened....how had she left off with herself and where? 

 She thought a bit and sposed it was when she lost her job...just a job, any job, didnt matter yet the loss of all that meant to her...ut oh here we go..it meant something....what did it mean? What she made it mean....that she was caring for her own needs and financing her life and she held it all together that way. She had it good. Sooooo hmmmm she said, is it the loss of a job that makes one sad or happy.....she will be happy when....??? ugh

 Be happy right here, right now, swinging her feet off the edge of the world, as the sun was coming up and all the vivid colors came into her shudder....she snapped it quickly so as not to forget, to never forget who she is, what she is doing here, all she came to do......truth is, nothing had changed, she had merely wiped away what was fogging her vision.....now she could really see the horizon and all there was in store for her!
 
The End....the beggining, everything in between she thinks.

"Special"

Unique that we all are. There is not one like you or me.
To embrace how special each one of us are  is letting ourselves truly shine.
To do that is to showing thanks and honoring God for who we are.
We have gifts and treasures within each on of us.
Some are found and some are waiting to be discover.
Amazing things happen when we learn how to trust the Above.
We have so much to learn about life no matter how many years we have seen!
Bless all that you are and the world all that is.
If we ALL  did that everyday, the world would just shine the brightest it can be!
Maybe so bright to a point where it becomes heaven on Earth!
The kingdom of heaven is at hand here on Earth.
That quote comes from the well known book,
You and I are special and loved!!

Hi my name is Ann Carni and I 'm going to share with you just a little bit about myself. Well I was born in Melbourne in the fifties ( so I 'm a babyboomer ) to English parents and I was the only daughter and youngest child. My parents , two brothers and I moved near Sydney when I was two years old .

I had a reasonably good childhood but was very tall for my age , awkward,  painfully shy and didn't have much self confidence. Was told constantly I couldn't do that because I was a girl and girls don't do that so I never did anything adventureous .

When I finished school I went nursing and  have worked as a venepuncturist for a pathology company for 20 years.

Most of my life I have been on yo-yo diets that didn't work and only left me miserable. But then I found the secret to weightloss and have been enjoying this new lifestyle.

I am now very passionate about helping others with weightloss through nutrition as I have observed patients who are obese with a number of health issues. I also will educate people to eat more healthier foods  and choose better lifestyles through exercise and self awareness.

I have been  a raw foodie for only a few months and already can feel and observe the benefits. For one thing I have lost weight and don't feel and look fat and frumpy anymore. Most of the aches and pains in my body have gone and it's amazing how I just want to declutter , clean and decorated my home. 

This is the start of the journey for me  because I feel like I'm evolving into something or someone  else . There is so much to learn about myself and I know it will be painful but healing  but I'll come through it with flying colours I'm sure because I'm a survivor.

                                                                                                          Cheers Ann

My good thoughts paves a road to the good present,  good future, and good past to look back on.
Thinking 100% positive with no ill feelings is the key to mind blowing good experiences in life.
What I choose to believe becomes my life.
So therefore, I release all the negative feelings, thoughts, and beliefs.
I am free of of the negatives always and choose to do so!
Demonstrating my freedom. I will take a stand to stop criticizing myself when it comes to art, who I am, and what right do I have to enjoy my life to the fullest extent it can be!!
I will give myself approval to enjoy my life  no matter what others may think.
Shake myself free of the negative beliefs like a wet dog! Shake it, baby!!
At this point from here on out, no more dissing on the self.
I'm willing to unlearn all the negative things I have learned in the past.
Choosing to break free of old negative patterns that attracts the negatives outcomes.
Learning to love myself 1oo%!! Make  it 101%!
 Extra love is good!!
I have the power to change for the best in my thoughts and in my intentions.
The power is now to change for the best in my thoughts!!
I take full responsibility for my actions, thoughts, and beliefs!!
I will stand firm now for the fact that it is okay to believe that I'm more than good enough for whatever Life has in mind for me!!
Release pent up negative emotions  so that I can be well in every aspect of my well being!!
Forgiveness is  to be  free . Forgive all whatever that may be.
I choose to confront my resentments and let it go100% so that I can have tons and tons of fun in life!!
Through forgiveness, there is no bondage in my world!
Even the ones I find the hardest to forgive, it's worth forgiving anyways!!
Freedom to have a positive life is doing it through forgiveness!!
I choose to shower myself with 100% love everyday, every moment, and every second!!
I am so worth it to change my life for the best it can be!! And so are you!!! :)

Catch up on the Diva's latest doings, plus learn about a unique healing modality that the Diva uses in her own healing journey....

Curing the Incurable: #3... Righteous Anger!

Then, jump on board in the Heal Your Life group right here on Bodacious Living and learn how to heal YOUR life this Summer 2010... the group is hosted and guided at no charge. Looking forward to meeting you there!

Having no fear to change in a good way is not a bad thing to do.
Expressing myself in a creative way is a part of who I am.
The world has a lot of healing to do.
Believe in the beyond of goodness.
Free to be.

Someone recently asked me if I believe in God and the answer is yes. When I tell people my view that God is unconditional love, I don’t mean that the full definition of God is love in a human context. I mean that the highest, fullest manifestations of kindness and compassion are in alignment with the nature of God. That’s why there’s such a thing as a state of grace, as being able to step into the flow of creation and manifest wonderful things for oneself and others simply by having the belief that these good things are manifested. I’m spiritual, but not religious- however I draw comparison to the purported words of Jesus, ‘Even the least among you can do all that I have done, and greater things.’ I take those words as being true, not just because Jesus said them but because its our birthright as spiritual beings. Serendipidy is the most basic example of manifestation- thinking about something you desire and then it appears within moments, hours, or days- without your effort; it just comes. Setting one’s intention on something, in the right way, can have predictable, repeatable results in just this way. The key is to have love and peace in you because what your attention is on, is what you manifest. This is why healing your life is key and why this Louise Hay forum is so intriguing to me- once you’re at a place where you’re at peace within yourself and living in harmony with life, then stepping into the flow of manifesting all that you desire for yourself and others, is much more possible and isn’t a hit-and-miss proposition. 

I believe it was Wayne Dyer who said, 'it isn’t that saints and highly developed spiritual people have love in them and the rest of us don’t. Its that love is all they have. If you squeeze the average person, some love will come out, but so will fear, guilt, anger, etc. What you have in you is what you have to give others' - so if you’re full of love and peaceful contentment with your own being, that’s what will come out of you in your interactions with others- and in your interactions with God / “the flow” / divinity / natural law / the universe. I further believe that God is everywhere and in all things as pure, loving energy- even at the heart of atoms and subatomic particles, that this energy is the power and sustainance of our universe. I won’t say that ‘God’ is defined as an energy field that’s fused to the entire matrix of creation, but simply that there’s an interaction and interconnection with all things through a flow of energy that each of us can access if we have a pure and loving heart- we can feel and interconnect with all things. I realize this makes me something of a modern mystic, for mystics believe in direct communion with the divine. I believe it because I’ve experienced it. Again, (I’ll paraphrase here) it was Wayne Dyer who said, ‘There’s reading about bicycles, going to sermons and demonstrations about how to ride a bike, about the physics involved, you could go to study groups and watch movies about bike riding… and then there’s getting on a bike and riding it, which is entirely different' and takes it from the field of the theoretical and makes it practical and real, and thrilling, and useful to you. The same is true with God / the divine. You can have a personal connection with divinity.

I've never read Louise Hay. I've heard others talk about her in passing, but this will be my first experience of her writing and I'm looking forward to the discussions!

Darling beautiful friend,

I have a story for you, soul sister... because I know no other way to say "I understand your grief", than to tell it... 

In 2008, in a one-week span, I suffered a series of losses that left me stunned, angry, and spiraled me into a depression that lasted for months. My long-term partner left me, a dear friend killed herself, and another friend died suddenly of a heart attack... all within a few days of each other. A few months later, my beloved fur baby, Winston, was killed tragically and within weeks of that, my bicycle was stolen. Seems a funny thing to mention here, doesn't it? But the bicycle was a gift to me from my birth father, who has a terminal disease. It was the most wonderful of gifts, because he loved it so much and yet entrusted it to my care.

I spent a year in turmoil... deep, bitter turmoil. 

Then, in early 2009, I regathered myself and determined to pull myself out. And so for another year, I struggled to "win", beating my fists against the walls of heaven and declaring to the Universe that I would take her out and down, if need be, to get my life back.

And so for another year... life was hard... intensely HARD. I worked multiple jobs, went to school full-time in a difficult degree program, was repeatedly hospitalized in severe pain, and struggled to "stay Raw Vegan". I didn't realise then what I realise now... I had declared that I wanted life to be hard, for I truly believed that if Life wasn't hard, I wasn't doing it right. 

Then, in late 2009 a friend introduced me to Louise Hay's book YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE... and it was as if my eyes were opened and my HEART was unlocked. Instead of STRUGGLING, of FIGHTING against the flow of Life, instead of deciding to work "hard" and therefore produce more hard work for myself, I began to experience a blissful thing..... release.... ease... and HEALING.

On October 2009, I went 100% Raw with the encouragement and support of a handful of friends on an internet forum. 

All was well - life was beautiful for 6 months.

Then on March 20, 2010, I was sexually and physically assaulted by a man who for years I had loved and trusted as my closest friend. For weeks, I went through a deep depression where I screamed and beat and battered again at the walls of heaven (again). HOW DARE, after all the self-healing work I had done, how DARE the Universe betray me again? Do this to me AGAIN? 

And so I slumped back down and fed on the past, reliving the years of abuse in my childhood, reliving the rape and sexual abuse in my early 20's, reliving it all and feeding on that. 

I did not know, then, what I know now, not so very many weeks later... I did not know I could heal my Life COMPLETELY. Before the assault, I felt that I could heal the physical, but I had not even dared to touch the emotional. 

Now, I dare to reach back, to recover, and to RELEASE the past... I dare to face the times when I believed all was lost, and truly it seemed so, in my childhood and teens and early 20's... and I choose to embrace the fears, and then send them on their way.

I invite you, gentle Michelle, to join my healing journey. Join hands with me. I send my healing energy through me to YOU, and invite you to receive it.

I ALSO invite you to join a few close friends and I as we work through the book YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE in a private book study here at BodaciousLiving.com together this month and throughout the Summer. You can get the book inexpensively at Dauntless Diva if you don't already have a copy... 

Embrace the healing. It's time to release ALL of the great sadness, my friend. You are on the brink... why not, step over... leap - and the net will appear. 

"In the infinity of life where I am, all is perfect, whole and complete. I am always Divinely protected and guided. It is safe for me to look within myself... All is well in my world." ~ Louise Hay, YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE


Bliss,

The Diva

Why are we so afraid of our tears? Why are we afraid to cry alone or when with others? What,in is, says tears are a negative thing? Do tears indicate weakness? Do we fear falling all apart if we let go and let them flow?

Here is my experience with tears.
Last week, my sister said some heart hurting things. Yes, I knew it was not about me, what she was saying to me, yet I felt them on my own level. And she was, while deep in her own doo-doo, sending out a rejection message to me. She has been for a while yet I see it comes from within herslef and her own turmoil. Again, not about me.

Tears, oh yes. I went to my car and the sweetest (well I didnt taste them) tears rolled down my cheeks and off my jaw and ripped on my blouse. It was the best feeling in the midst of what had happened.  As my tears rolled or slid or whatever tears do, my spirit was being set free of her pain, the pain she sent to me. I felt open and dumping and cleansed.

Tears release, aside from the water and eye washing, pain endorphins into our system. Well that may be just the act of crying that does that and the tears are the end product.

Tears express what we may not be able to put into words and ease our suffering. Tears show our willingness to experience and feel our sadness. Our whole body cooperates in a unified outpouring of our sadness. In reality, we are not "falling all apart" nor "losing it"rather we are coming all together as one, honoring this event with our tears, the body "spill holes"  of our feelings. Once outside of ourselves, they are OUT and thus the healing.


Tears are beautiful. Will my tears be welcomed and enbraced by another or will it create an uncomfortableness in another. Will someone reach out in comfort or scorn as if it is shameful? 

No matter. I want to wear my tears and not brush them away in embarrassment nor hide them for fear I appear weak. It is the strong and courageous who let them fall, openly and freely, not caring where they may land. (I have yet to see anyone actually drown in their own tears or anyone elses for that matter).

I say,let them cry, cry when the spirit moves you, as there is nothing more beautiful than crying. Afterwards,ones face is more beautful for having been washed of it all and a sense of inner peace and calm settles there.

As Hootie says in his song "Let Her Cry!" Here's to tears and letting them fall, roll, slide or whaterever they do! I highly recommend them!

As a part of class we have to choose a topic (given to us) and write an essay.  I have chosen to pick a writing of the Tao Te Ching and write how it relates to my life.  It is a bit of a free write but I learned while writing (which I think was the point) so I decided I would put it out "there" for others.....it is a draft and I welcome feedback.

[b]THIRTY-NINE[/b] (from Gia-Fu Feng & Jane English translation)
[i]These things from ancient times arise from one:
The sky is whole and clear.
The earth is whole and firm.
The spirit is whole and strong.
The valley is whole and full.
The ten thousand things are whole and alive.
Kings and lords are whole and the country is upright.
All these are in virtue of wholeness.

The clairty of the sky prevents its falling.
The firmness of the earth prevents its spliting.
The strength of the spirit prenets its being used up.
The fullness of the valley prevents its running dry.
The growth of the ten thousand things prevents their dying out.
The leadership of the kings and lords prevents the downfall of the country.

Therefore the humble is the root of the noble.
The low is the foundation of the high.
Princes and lords concider themselves
  "orphaned," "widowed," and "worthless."
Do they not depend on being humble?

Too much success is not an advantage.
Do not tinkle like jade
Or clatter like stone chimes.[/i]

I began taking Tai Chi again in an effort to discover, or simply correct the imbalance that exists in my body, chemistry, spirit, or combination of all three, that is preventing me from having children.  I came to Tai Chi in search of balance and harmony, to correct an issue that cannot be seen with modern medicine.  Perhaps also to find a way to embrace my losses so I may begin to heal.

In coming back to class I am more aware of my Chi.  I am, at the very least, giving it a name again.  I know that for some time I abandoned my Chi – if not wholly than for all times when it was not convenient for me.  I allowed events that occurred around me to affect who I am.  I allowed things to happen to me passively and got caught up in the passivity.  I stopped confronting and was not yielding but was being washed away on a wave of sorrow and pity.  I was not putting my Chi into the universe and saying “No.” I have let myself be led by the sorrow and tragedy instead of by the joy. I am not sure I am confronting or yielding now, but after eight weeks I am slowly remembering the way.  
I have also been gathering things, stuff, meaningless junk in an effort to be proud of who and where I am, as a way to measure my worth against others.  I have gained nothing and have misplaced my center under mounds of material items.  Tai Chi is giving me a path to follow out of the clutter.  Tai Chi is silently giving me commitment to follow a new path.

What has changed in these weeks?  I feel better about being me.  I am re-connecting with my spirit of joy, excitement and fascination at the world around me.  I am filling my life with living things, my body with living foods, I am thanking the universe for the abundance I am blessed with as opposed to cursing it for what I think I lack.  I think I see a glimmer of my center, though I would be foolish to think I have truly reached it yet.

My goal on the first day of class was consistency.  My goal has grown with me since I have made Tai Chi a part of my life again.  What began as a simple notion of being consistent with physical practice to cultivate my Chi, now encompasses balance and harmony.  My search for balance must be consistent.  Balance is needed not only in my body but in my thoughts and actions.  I am seeking balance of positive and negative energy, balance of gathering and letting go.  Harmony too as become a consistency goal.  I must be consistent in my quest to be at peace with where and who I am, or be at peace with changing my position in life.  I must stop seeking strife and instead find happiness where it exists in front of me.

I am learning that for me to become a parent, I must first be committed to finding balance and harmony within myself and in doing so create it around me.  My internal goal is to become whole and lucid because a vessel that is cracked can never be filled, yet those that are mended, though full of seams, and empty are always overflowing.